Having been a long-time fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000, this is an instant classic. While I don't think I enjoy the live versions quite as much as the normal DVD releases, it doesn't detract from the enjoyment of the jokes. And I can tell you, there were a lot of them!

The story is (roughly) about a scientist and his wife investigating an island after nearby nuclear testing. Accompanying them is a peace corps guy that wants to improve the quality of life of the native population. But a monster is loose on the island, and the natives have reverted to virgin sacrifices on a near-nightly basis. Exactly how they could sustain this level of commitment I can't say.

Did I mention the trees have grabbing tentacles? And the monster suit was ridiculous? Of course I don't need to. Plus, there is a bonus documentary feature.

Don't be afraid to rush out and get the latest installment from Joel, Trace, J. Elvis, Mary Jo, and TV's Frank!

Coleman Francis almost out-Ed-Woods-es Ed Woods himself. This movie was all over the place. The narrator mentions flags on the moon and flying saucers, which have absolutely nothing to do with this movie, neither its plot nor dialog. In it, Tor Johnson plays a scientist from behind the Iron Curtain that accidentally absorbs radiation at a missile test site and turns in to a fiendish beast that kills people for fun. Wait, that makes it sound exciting, and it really wasn't. Tor ambles around the desert, and a sheriff hunts him down. But the sheriff spots a stranded motorist and mistakes him for the Beast and shoots at him a bunch of times. He gets back to his car and high-tails it out of there, leaving his wife behind to wait for the kids. He never returns, although his kids do. Tor eventually gets killed when the sheriff finally finds him and that's pretty much it.

This movie had two short films to go with it, since it was mercifully brief itself. The first was a short about budgeting money for high school kids, where the silhouette of Benjamin Franklin instructs a boy on the fine art of not blowing all your money. The second was about "Progress Island," a.k.a. Puerto Rico. It almost convinced me that I should think about Puerto Rico.

I give this movie three empty seats, one for each of the Coleman Francis movies I hope I never have to see again.

The film starts off with a scientist inventing a death ray for world peace. At the demonstration, the scientist is kidnapped and his project hijacked. So Bart Fargo is called in to save the day. He has several adventures, and most of the women get away from him. So in that way, it's not like an old James Bond film. It also has the best miniatures I've ever seen (end sarcasm). Seriously, I could do their special effects in my tub. As Mike and the 'bots put it "Special effects by Billy!"

I give this movie five empty seats, one for each of the Bond films that came out before this one, and had the director paid attention, would have made this a better picture.

Griffin is an escaped con that joins up with two other ex-cons, they get shanghaied into fighting Castro in Cuba (momentarily, anyway), escape back to the same town they left, throw the father of a blind woman down a mine shaft, then drive up into the mountains and get shot. Yup, that about sums it up.

I could smell the stench of this movie emanating from my TV it was that horrible, but the riffing was funny. I give it three empty seats in honor of the three stooges, one of whom (Curly) the director/actor resembled.

It really wasn't much of a movie, pretty dull as you can probably tell. There was a funny short film at the beginning, though, that was probably better than the movie itself. It was about an angel and a devil betting on the poor habits of a bread delivery man. The angel goes down in disguise to try to influence the man to be a slacker again, but he tells her how much he loves his job and how he does it. Full of minutes of shelf-packing action, this short was too funny.

In all, I give this movie three empty seats, for the asbestos pitchfork ends the devil guy wagered against the angel that the bread guy would go back to being a slacker.

When the Mongols return some 20 years later, the prince realizes his mistake and lets the hero out of the dungeon. He then fights the Mongols. When he fights his son, he realizes who he is and tells him. The young man immediately believes him, and swears vengeance on the Mongols. They rescue his mother and defeat the Mongols.

I give this movie three empty seats for the number of minutes a dragon was actually in this movie. Yes, I counted.

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Anyway, Racket Girls was about female wrestlers. And before you think that's hot, think about your grandmother as a female wrestler. Now you've got the right idea. That's what this film was like. Long, long scenes of your grandma in her gym shorts wrestling. And it had one really short Italian guy. I don't think he was a midget because he was taller than Danny DeVito (at least he looks like it), and that's where I draw the line. Anyone shorter than Danny is a midget, and anyone taller is a short person. Danny himself is the line, he doesn't count.

So the movie was about wrestling, and gambling, and how you can't corrupt the pure sport of female wrestling. Or Wrassling, however they say it. This movie was horrid, but the riffing was priceless. You need to see it just for the short film. I give it two empty seats for the two female pro "wrasslers" that wouldn't throw their match and corrupt the sport they love.

And the movie really was much better than normal, and certainly had some of that Twilight Zone surrealism in it. Jody, a troubled teen, attacks her guardian and escapes from reform school, crashes in a political candidate's home while he's out. The candidate returns, but his wife and daughter are out of town. He discovers Jody, tries to help her, and all she does is take advantage of him. She manipulates him, invites her crazy friends over, and they make him drive them to Mexico. On the way, she runs over one of her friends, the other gets a bad razor slash to the arm. When they get to Mexico, they try to get revenge on Jody, where the candidate guy once again tries to save her when he realizes how much trouble she is in with her "friends."

The end up crashing their cars, the two friends dying instantly. Jody lived long enough to exonerate the candidate guy so nobody suspected anything bad of him. I think this movie deserves two empty seats, for the kitten and the whip that never appear in the movie.

The movie wasn't as bad as some of the others in this season (some still to come!), but the riffing was great. The movie was about a money heist. A pilot's wife is kidnapped so they can force him to delay his plane from taking off. In the meantime, other accomplices steal money from a plane (it was being shipped by air for some reason), and in a genius move put the money into boxes they were shipping along with the money, removing the ballast they originally had in the boxes. The getaway guy gets nabbed, but they only recover a bundle of old magazines. Fortunately for the good guys, they figure out what must have happened, and find the loot, which they put back on the delayed plane so they can nab the bandits red-handed later.

During all this, there's a side plot with a top newspaper reporter and his estranged wife and child. The kid loves flying, so he walks out on the tarmac and gets into a piper and manages to start it up and take off (somehow). I guess this was the kid acting out from the inattention of his parents or something. So some other pilot guy gets in a plane and talks the boy into landing the plane. Everybody lives, and they couple get back together due to the shared peril of their son.

And the TV series never gets made. I give this movie one empty seat for the sunglasses the piper's owner was supposedly looking for that allowed the kid to climb in his plane, start the engine, and fly it away.