Flogging a Dead Horse
First dog watch, 2 bells (5:09 pm)

Well well, looks like Santa's resting place is back in the news.

And they say this 2003 story is just lies, filthy dirty lies: Santa's Dead, and his bones were stolen by Italian Pirates.

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Starting Physical Therapy. Again.
Afternoon watch, 2 bells (1:05 pm)

I've been off pain meds for several days now, which is nice to have happen so quickly. It took a very long time with my previous surgery, about two months. Tomorrow morning I have my first physical therapy session for my arm. It's with a different therapist than my achilles tendon therapy was. So now I can owe two therapists money at the same time!

I'm hoping I can get back to playing the mandolin again soon, but I doubt it'll be sooner than a couple of weeks. I have a return appointment with my doctor next Tuesday. Perhaps I'll get permission to start removing this darn brace. It's very hard for me to sleep with a brace and sling on.

Last week when I had my first follow-up with the doctor, he said I came out of anesthesia "like an angry bear." That was his official diagnosis.

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Patch Notes for Goat Simulator
Forenoon watch, 3 bells (9:33 am)

These patch notes for Goat Simulator are hilarious.

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Three Seconds of Laughter
First dog watch, 1 bell (4:34 pm)

And a lifetime of scorn. Behold!
Inflatable unicorn horn for your cat

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Happy St Patrick’s Day
First dog watch, 1 bell (4:39 pm)

Today is St Paddy's Day, where everyone that may or may not have any Irish in them pretends they do.

Therefore, in that spirit I present today's phrase:

Irish Handcuffs
Having a drink in each hand
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Evil Cat Alarm Clock
Forenoon watch, 8 bells (12:06 pm)

While I've been down these last seven weeks since my operation to repair my torn achilles tendon, I've had to wake my not-a-morning-person wife up in the morning to take me to work. This morning as I was coming back to the bedroom to do so, BC (our skinny black cat) was already on the move. He got right up to her head and then started meowing in her ear. I jokingly said "Evil cat alarm clock—activate!" and without missing a beat Lorien shoved him off the bed and said "SNOOZE!"

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Funny Stuff
Afternoon watch, 3 bells (1:54 pm)

The local PD published a "Bar Report," here's my favorite one from the last month:

Sunday, January 8, 2012: 0242 hours
115 N 2nd St - #12C00727 – Assault with a Knife
Officers were flagged down and told there was an unconscious male on the steps of the Baja Bar.
Officers located an extremely intoxicated and unconscious 22 year old male on the top step of the
bar next to a large puddle of vomit. Officers made several attempts to wake the male (nudged him,
shook him, activated their emergency sirens) and after some time, the male stood up and
attempted to walk away and would not cooperate with officers (refused to sit, ignored instructions,
etc). At some point during this incident, the male removed and concealed something from his
pocket, and when officers heard a “click,” they realized the male had a knife. The male then
attempted to slash the officer with the knife, the officer aimed his weapon at the male and shouted
at him to “drop it,” and the male dropped the knife. Officers took the man to the ground and
handcuffed him. The male was arrested on charges of Aggravated Assault, Concealed Weapon
and Obstructing. The male continued to resist arrest, and due to his level of intoxication, he was
taken to KMC and later transported to the jail. As he sobered up, he became confused about the
charges involving the knife (could not remember) and cried while he was being booked.

FYI: KMC = Kootenai Medical Center

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Moonlighting in China
Forenoon watch, 2 bells (9:19 am)

I thing Dr Seuss has been doing some consulting work:
Dr Seuss Moonlighting in China

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Awesome Faceplant, Dude!
First watch, 3 bells (9:38 pm)

I just saw one of the funniest things ever: I was at a stoplight on my way home just now when two guys hit the crosswalk button to get across highway 41 (from the bar to the trailer park. I know, surprise!). Anyway, just as they were half-way across, one of them fell flat on his face, heels over his head and all. Instead of putting his hands out to break his fall he used his right cheek. I thought he was down for the count, but his buddy helped him stand up, and I thought he was going down a second time he was so wobbly. But he succeeded, and they finished crossing the road before the light changed. If only they could have heard the laughter from our car.

Tomorrow morning he'll be wondering why his face hurts so much, and how gravel got on to his pillow…

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Happy Birthday, MST3K!
Forenoon watch, 4 bells (10:18 am)

Today is the 22nd anniversary of Mystery Science Theater 3000! Hi keeba!

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Hamster Atonement
Last dog watch, 1 bell (6:38 pm)

This comic from The Oatmeal may be one of the funniest web comics I've seen in a very long time:

Hamster atonement from The Oatmeal

Thanks Sarah for sending it my way!

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Robert Howard’s Conan
First dog watch, 3 bells (5:59 pm)

This short passage from Robert E. Howard's The Jewels of Gwahlur (one of his Conan short stories) continues to crack me up:

And, oh, by the way, they took off Zargheba's head and hung it up in a thicket." She shivered, yet at the same time breathed a sigh of relief. "He'll never whip me again." "Not this side of Hell," agreed Conan.

I love how Conan oh-so-nonchalantly implies the girl is going to hell. And that she will be whipped by him again.

Corner Gas
Forenoon watch, 5 bells (10:32 am)

I heard a review of the Canadian show Corner Gas on the Firefly podcast The Signal quite a while ago, and added it to my Netflix queue. It showed up last week. I finally got around to watching it last Friday night, and it was pretty funny. There were some hit-or-miss episodes on the first disk, but overall it was pretty good stuff. I love how the first episode started, even before the credits.


So check it out, you might like it. Eh.

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High Score, Seriously?
Forenoon watch, 4 bells (10:01 am)

Since Lorien's been out of town this week, I've been watching Buck Rogers on Hulu. I finished it last night, but couldn't get over the hilarity of the penultimate episode, Testimony of a Traitor.

I won't go in to details, but a ship is chasing Buck and Wilma, and his weapons interface looks like this:

Buck Rogers high score fighter interface

Futuristic or not, that's a pretty cavalier attitude toward combat!

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How Star Trek Should Have Ended
Forenoon watch, 4 bells (10:14 am)

Ran across How It Should Have Ended recently, and thought I'd share this one:


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