The local PD published a "Bar Report," here's my favorite one from the last month:
Sunday, January 8, 2012: 0242 hours
115 N 2nd St - #12C00727 – Assault with a Knife
Officers were flagged down and told there was an unconscious male on the steps of the Baja Bar.
Officers located an extremely intoxicated and unconscious 22 year old male on the top step of the
bar next to a large puddle of vomit. Officers made several attempts to wake the male (nudged him,
shook him, activated their emergency sirens) and after some time, the male stood up and
attempted to walk away and would not cooperate with officers (refused to sit, ignored instructions,
etc). At some point during this incident, the male removed and concealed something from his
pocket, and when officers heard a “click,” they realized the male had a knife. The male then
attempted to slash the officer with the knife, the officer aimed his weapon at the male and shouted
at him to “drop it,” and the male dropped the knife. Officers took the man to the ground and
handcuffed him. The male was arrested on charges of Aggravated Assault, Concealed Weapon
and Obstructing. The male continued to resist arrest, and due to his level of intoxication, he was
taken to KMC and later transported to the jail. As he sobered up, he became confused about the
charges involving the knife (could not remember) and cried while he was being booked.
FYI: KMC = Kootenai Medical Center
I thing Dr Seuss has been doing some consulting work:
I just saw one of the funniest things ever: I was at a stoplight on my way home just now when two guys hit the crosswalk button to get across highway 41 (from the bar to the trailer park. I know, surprise!). Anyway, just as they were half-way across, one of them fell flat on his face, heels over his head and all. Instead of putting his hands out to break his fall he used his right cheek. I thought he was down for the count, but his buddy helped him stand up, and I thought he was going down a second time he was so wobbly. But he succeeded, and they finished crossing the road before the light changed. If only they could have heard the laughter from our car.
Tomorrow morning he'll be wondering why his face hurts so much, and how gravel got on to his pillow…
Today is the 22nd anniversary of Mystery Science Theater 3000! Hi keeba!
This comic from The Oatmeal may be one of the funniest web comics I've seen in a very long time:
Thanks Sarah for sending it my way!
This short passage from Robert E. Howard's The Jewels of Gwahlur (one of his Conan short stories) continues to crack me up:
And, oh, by the way, they took off Zargheba's head and hung it up in a thicket." She shivered, yet at the same time breathed a sigh of relief. "He'll never whip me again." "Not this side of Hell," agreed Conan.
I love how Conan oh-so-nonchalantly implies the girl is going to hell. And that she will be whipped by him again.
I heard a review of the Canadian show Corner Gas on the Firefly podcast The Signal quite a while ago, and added it to my Netflix queue. It showed up last week. I finally got around to watching it last Friday night, and it was pretty funny. There were some hit-or-miss episodes on the first disk, but overall it was pretty good stuff. I love how the first episode started, even before the credits.
So check it out, you might like it. Eh.
Since Lorien's been out of town this week, I've been watching Buck Rogers on Hulu. I finished it last night, but couldn't get over the hilarity of the penultimate episode, Testimony of a Traitor.
I won't go in to details, but a ship is chasing Buck and Wilma, and his weapons interface looks like this:
Futuristic or not, that's a pretty cavalier attitude toward combat!
Ran across How It Should Have Ended recently, and thought I'd share this one:
Today's Woot podcast resounds in my soul. You can hear it here if you like.
Everyone that's seen a pigeon raise your hand.
Now, everyone that's never seen a baby pigeon lower your hand.
Notice how few hands are left up? Why is this, you ask? Lacking better scientific evidence, let me explain it by asking two more questions:
Have you ever seen a fat pigeon? Yes? Okay, ever see one so fat it couldn't fly? No?? Of course not!
Pigeons are like amoebas in that they reproduce asexually. You see, when a pigeon reaches a certain size after gorging itself on fattening tourist fare, it splits into two smaller, hungrier pigeons. This is why you see so many at heavily-trafficked tourist destinations like Piazza San Marco in Venice. It also explains that, while you may see a few corpulent pigeons, you'll never see one so morbidly obese that it cannot fly.
I thought I had a copy of this lying around, but couldn't find it anywhere, so I had to go find it again. This kind of humor cracks me up:
Today I welcomed a new SQL admin into the club. The club of royally screwing something up by accident. Because, be honest, you're not really an admin until you've made a really huge mistake and had to get help to fix it.
Brownie points go out for:
- Admitting it quickly
- Saving a screenshot
- Not crying
"Goodbye" in Mandarin Chinese is: "881." You'll have to get a Chinese-speaking person to explain that to you though.
Tonight Wes, Lorien, and I went out for slurpees to celebrate Lorien's birthday, and to break up a 50 round Mario Party 8 game on the Wii. The 7-11 employee was new, but he was cool. He mentioned Lorien and I didn't have the anodized aluminum slurpee straws like Wes did. Wes mentioned he had to drill out the lid to fit the straw down, and the employee said "I just trached mine"—it was awesome.
PS Slurpee in Chinese is æ€æ¨‚冰: Ponder Happiness Ice