...to make your wish with the wienermobile come true!
This article contains my quote for today:
Hallucinogenic drugs were tested on a wide range of animal species in the 20th century; scientists extensively explored animals' physiological and behavioral reactions to LSD in particular. Under the influence of LSD, cats, for example, reportedly lose their fear of dogs, bat at the air, and salivate excessively. One LSD-affected baboon or chimpanzee in a group of unaffected animals creates havoc by disregarding the hierarchies of the group. LSD bleaches the skin of newts and toads, causes trout, minnows, goldfish, guppies and Siamese fighting fish to swim in unusual postures, and induces lethargy in hornets. Dolphins become docile and regularize their vocal output at a steady cycle. This last effect may be connected to the finding that affected rats climb a hanging rope at predictable intervals where unaffected rats spontaneously climb. In their study of goats on LSD, Werner P. Koella, Roger F. Beaulieu, and John R. Bergen found that drugged goats walk in predictable geometric patterns, including squares, figure-L's, and figure-8's. A goat repeatedly induced will always be inclined toward the same pattern. The figures reproduced here show the various geometric shapes of goat walking patterns in response to LSD.
This story is great—check out these quotes:
Mr Spencer said Salisbury tried to kill James Byrne by repeatedly pressing the booster button on the device delivering diamorphine and telling him: "Give in, it's time to go."
Mr Spencer told the jury that Salisbury was not motivated by a desire to ease the patients' suffering but by a wish to free up beds.
From Maddox's Academy Award Predictions, 2005:
This movie stomps so much ass that they have to import colons from other countries to meet the demand.
This story about dog owners who resemble their dogs is just too funny:
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's mellow, so am I," joked Toby Grable, 44, a 290-pound, extreme paintball clown from Arleta, scratching his South African mastiff, Bruce, a mere pup pushing 130 pounds. Both share wide-set faces and furrowed brows.
290 pound extreme paintball clown? I'd hate to have that monicker given me by any news agency...
Check out this story about a new Scottish dessert:
The sandwich consists of two slices of white bread smothered in chocolate sauce, dipped in batter and deep-fried, then covered in sugar and more chocolate sauce. It is served with vanilla ice-cream, all of which is depressing news for nutritionists struggling to improve the nation's poor diet.
Many of my male coworkers would agree that is just too good to be true:
How would you fancy the chance to fire a rocket-launcher at a cow? Or an anti-aircraft gun at a chicken? They are among the special attractions on offer to tourists in the Cambodian capital of Phnom Penh.
From a post on Slashdot:
...tied up in a burlap sack and carried across the Andes on a donkey.
Beware the Ides of March
This is too good to pass up:
The company was scheduled to attend the International Boston Seafood Show, which began Sunday, armed with video showing two undead lobsters squirming around after being frozen stiff in a minus-40 degree chemical brine for several minutes.
The difference between Star Trek's Borg and the Jackson family? One is a collective of grotesque, mindless automatons dedicated to the destruction of human civilization, while the other is a fictional alien race.
Kevin G. Barkes
From this story at the New York Times:
"What we are really saying is that Neanderthals did not contribute to the ancestry of modern Europeans," Dr. Harvati said in an interview.
A project called Laugh Lab has set up an Internet site in an effort to find the world's funniest joke. They have so far rated this as the funniest: "Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up. 'Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you deduce.' Watson says, 'I see millions of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.' Holmes replied: 'Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent!'" Now, I'm not saying this is a bad joke. I'm just saying this is not even close to being the funniest joke in the world. It would be funnier if Holmes woke Watson up and said, "Watson, there's a weasel chomping on my privates!" I'm not sure where the joke would go from there, but you can't go wrong with a setup like that.
You can find Laugh Lab on the 'net, but there isn't much there, they want you to buy their book.
Leaf blowers are the ideal guy tool, because they have engines, they're loud, and they enable you to blast debris, ray-gun-style, from one place to another without having to actually pick it up. I'm willing to bet that somewhere in America, there's a guy who, at least once, cleaned his living room by firing up his leaf blower indoors and blasting everything -- pizza boxes, beer cans, ancient potato-chip shards, underwear, deceased spiders -- into a less-critical area, such as the dining room. (This guy is not married.)
Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a t-shirt, and leather gloves puttering maybe 25mph down a quiet residential street and in the fight of his life with a squirrel. And losing.
Need I say more?
Go read the full story for some more laughs.