Brian’s Quote of the Day
Posted in Quotes
First watch, 1 bell (8:40 pm)

I got a letter in the mail yesterday from the realtor that helped me buy my house several years ago. It contains the following:

I really like to find homes for people and helping their family build there future!

Hehe, he got the first their right, how do you suppose he missed the second one??

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Funny Spam
Posted in Quotes
Afternoon watch, 1 bell (12:37 pm)

I got some junk mail today, which I don't usually get since I installed a Barracuda in front of my mailserver.

Anyway, here's my favorite part:

We appreciate such merits of employees as initiative, leadership, ability to work with people, striving for self-improvement. Employees with such merits have an excellent opportunity to make successful career at us. If you wish to work in our team, if you are ready to active and dynamic work, we invite you to acquaint yourself with vacancy.

Hehe, acquaint yourself with vacancy, that's funny stuff. Read on if you want the entire email.
Read the rest of this entry »

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Where Else Do They Lie?
Posted in Quotes
Forenoon watch, 4 bells (10:20 am)

I laughed out loud at this article which included the following quote from Microsoft:

"If you think of basic security flaws as low-hanging fruit, then we've taken away all of the watermelons lying on the ground," Andrew Cushman, director of security engineering at Microsoft, explained to Computerworld.com.

Watermelons are some of the heaviest fruit out there, and they're so low-hanging they never even get off the ground. Sounds like they've got a lot to cover...

And by far, the most pertinent question here is where else do watermelons lie but on the ground??

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NASCAR??
Forenoon watch, 4 bells (10:14 am)

To the News Headline:

The 12 miners who died together beneath the West Virginia hills were remembered Sunday as men who loved their families, God, NASCAR and a good laugh.

I'd like to add:

And drinking beer and mullets.

I realize this may be construed as a little insensitive, but how can I not make fun of a quote like that??

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Colin vs. Hugh, let’s get it on!
Afternoon watch, 4 bells (2:18 pm)

Firth: Brawl with Hugh was like fighting my granny.

Colin Firth says brawling with Hugh Grant was like fighting with his granny.

The actor, who stars with Hugh in the upcoming sequel Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason, said his co-star had become "unfit" since they fought in the first film.

He said: "It was much easier than three years ago because Hugh was fleshier. If we ever do it again, I'd advise him to get in some training."

Fighting with his granny? Hahaha!

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Bears are crazy
Posted in Quotes
Afternoon watch, 3 bells (1:50 pm)

Well, I just linked to the Space Ghost episode (in case you didn't see it), and was reading through it and ran across this funny quote, my most favorite from the episode:

Bears are crazy, Willie. They'll bite your head if you're wearing steak on it.

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Searching for Someone To Blame
Forenoon watch, 2 bells (9:02 am)

This article about blaming NASA for weather changes is the stupidest thing I've ever read. For example:

It is quite possible that landing foreign objects on other planets or even just flying in their vicinity could have catastrophic effects.

Not only that, but we have sent unmanned space ships to or close to Venus, Jupiter, Mercury, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune. In fact, we have visited every planet except Pluto and it's just a matter of time before we get there. Some eminent authorities on subjects such as hydraulics and beekeeping have suggested it might be wise to cut back on NASA's budget until we know more about its effects on climate change.

What could eminent authorities on beekeeping possibly know about astrophysics?

Let us stop looking for people to blame for our own misfortunes and get out and do something to improve out situation—and stop whining about the things we have no control over.

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MP, to a T
Posted in Quotes
Afternoon watch, 7 bells (3:50 pm)

From M-W's website:

Entry Word: cantankerous
Function: adjective
Text: habitually ill-humored, irritable, and disagreeable

This describes my cow orker MP perfectly.

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Gilligan’s Island Escape Plan
Posted in Quotes
Forenoon watch, 8 bells (12:29 pm)

When the question was posted (on Slashdot) "If the professor [from Gilligan's Island] can make a radio out of coconuts, why can't he fix the hole in the boat?" My favorite response was:

On the mainland the prof is a geek, on the island he competes with Gilligan and the Captain and Thurston Howell III for Ginger and Mary Ann, would you fix the boat anytime soon either? Didn't think so.

Heh heh.

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Obfuscating Your Code
Posted in Quotes
Forenoon watch, 2 bells (9:25 am)

This quote is funny, taken from How To Write Unmaintainable Code:

Use Three Dimensional Arrays: Lots of them. Move data between the arrays in convoluted ways, say, filling the columns in arrayB with the rows from arrayA. Doing it with an offset of 1, for no apparent reason, is a nice touch. Makes the maintenance programmer nervous.

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Funny Quotes
Posted in Quotes
Forenoon watch, 3 bells (9:45 am)

This comes from a discussion about the poll on Slashdot about the most important qualities in a girlfriend, in reference to the "Not Crazy" poll option:

In my experience, everyone's crazy. The ones that seem normal are usually the worst. The trick is to find people who are crazy in harmless ways.

You can find pearls of wisdom in the most interesting places.

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The Perfect Life
Posted in Anime, Quotes
Forenoon watch, 2 bells (9:06 am)

the perfect life: watch anime, eat ramen....

Taken from Saiyuki.com. L and I have been watching Saiyuki lately, a friend of her loaned us her DVDs. I think we're about at episode 22 or so now.

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Those Psycho Bulgarians
Posted in Quotes
Forenoon watch, 4 bells (10:12 am)

Sorcerers to Pass Course in Medicine

All sorcerers, healers and psychos have to pass a two-year course in general medicine in a medical university.

psychos??

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How To Build A Computer
Posted in Quotes
Forenoon watch, 3 bells (9:33 am)

This tutorial about how to build a computer for almost nothing is great, although I didn't think it was that funny until the very end:

©2003 Dr. S. Ashen. Any attempt to copy or reproduce this guide without express written permission will be tutted at by an elderly aunt.

No rabbits were harmed in the making of this tutorial, although I did kick the [expletive deleted] out of a giraffe. The long necked, snooty bastard.

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Thailand Vacation Welcome Surprise
Posted in Quotes
Afternoon watch, 1 bell (12:42 pm)

This story is crazy, but not sick like the people that go there for underage women. And boys. yuck!

"There will be two sizes. A larger international condom and a smaller local one," Mechai told AFP, adding "but if a local feels they need an international condom then they will certainly be given one."

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