I just finished watching The Beast of Yucca Flats which, like Red Zone Cuba and Skydivers, was directed by Coleman Francis.
Coleman Francis almost out-Ed-Woods-es Ed Woods himself. This movie was all over the place. The narrator mentions flags on the moon and flying saucers, which have absolutely nothing to do with this movie, neither its plot nor dialog. In it, Tor Johnson plays a scientist from behind the Iron Curtain that accidentally absorbs radiation at a missile test site and turns in to a fiendish beast that kills people for fun. Wait, that makes it sound exciting, and it really wasn't. Tor ambles around the desert, and a sheriff hunts him down. But the sheriff spots a stranded motorist and mistakes him for the Beast and shoots at him a bunch of times. He gets back to his car and high-tails it out of there, leaving his wife behind to wait for the kids. He never returns, although his kids do. Tor eventually gets killed when the sheriff finally finds him and that's pretty much it.
This movie had two short films to go with it, since it was mercifully brief itself. The first was a short about budgeting money for high school kids, where the silhouette of Benjamin Franklin instructs a boy on the fine art of not blowing all your money. The second was about "Progress Island," a.k.a. Puerto Rico. It almost convinced me that I should think about Puerto Rico.
I give this movie three empty seats, one for each of the Coleman Francis movies I hope I never have to see again.
Let me tell you about my perfect hamburger.
- Teriyaki marinated
- Cooked to medium done-ness
- Grilled onions
- Grilled pineapple
- Swiss cheese
- Bacon
Lettuce is optional, but gives it a little crunch. For me, this is a perfect hamburger.
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