The Violent Years
Posted in Reviews
Afternoon watch, 4 bells (2:15 pm)

Season Six, Episode Ten ladies and gentlemen! Directed by the one and only Ed Wood! It's The Violent Years starring young out-of-control girls on a rampage!

Paula, the daughter of a newspaper editor has everything she ever wanted, except the attention of her parents. Somehow this young girl that gets a new convertible every year decides her life sucks and goes out with her three girlfriends in search of adventure with guns. They rob gas stations, albeit somewhat slowly, and trash a school classroom. They throw pajama parties and invite boys! They shoot at cops when they get caught! They all die except Paula, who gets sentenced to life in prison, where she has her baby out of wedlock!

And to top it off, when her parents try to adopt Paula's baby girl, the judge denies them because they raised Paula so poorly. He even recommends they get some religion! I have to give this movie two unloved, neglected seats: one for Paula and one for her baby that must grow up a ward of the state until adequate parents are found.

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Skydivers
Posted in Reviews
Forenoon watch, 4 bells (10:18 am)

Well, one more horrible movie down. I just watched Skydivers, perhaps one of the poorest movies every put to film. There was no acting to speak of, the plot was barely discernible, and it was boring to boot. The movie was about, well, skydiving. But only a little bit. It was torture to watch, even with Mike and the 'bots helping make it more bearable.

I give this movie two empty seats, one for each of the guys that hit the ground without a working parachute. Kind of like this movie did.

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Code Name: Diamond Head
Posted in Reviews
Morning watch, 8 bells (8:17 am)

Last night before I went to bed I finished Code Name: Diamond Head, an old failed TV pilot by Quinn Martin about a spy in Hawaii. Complete with cheesy screen wipes and only a little action, there's no question why this never got off the ground.

The bad guy, a master of disguise, codenamed "Tree" (I know, boring) is trying to hijack some new nerve toxin. Helping Diamond Head is the Dragon Lady, a hideously thin Vietnamese lady, and Zulu, who later appeared in Hawaii Five-O. I give this movie forty empty seats, one for every pound that Vietnamese lady needed on her body to look better.

By the way, why do they always cast non-Chinese people as Chinese people? It bugs me to see someone that is obviously Vietnamese or Korean, or even Japanese, playing a character with a Chinese name. That whole "they all look alike" thing? It's utter crap.

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