12 to the Moon
Posted in Reviews
Forenoon watch, 2 bells (9:07 am)

Just finished watching 12 to the Moon, a terrible pre-moonlanding movie about landing on the moon and what we'll find there. It was prefaced by an annoying short film opera about futuristic cars which was almost as bad as Mr. B Natural.

This episode also marks the end of the fifth season.

Some of the most basic things that are wrong with this film are: steaming craters, quicksand, gravity, air-filled caves, and advanced life—all on the moon. After the advanced moon-creatures tell us to go with their weird symbolic language (that only the Asian woman can read, by the way), they launch an attack against North America, freezing it solid. Our intrepid heroes launch a "space taxi" with an atomic bomb on it, which they drop into a live volcano to try to warm the continent up. It doesn't work and the pilots die. But then the moon people realize Earthlings aren't all that bad, and they leave everyone alone and extend a future welcome to return to the moon.

I give this movie seven empty seats for the astronauts that make it back. Hey, at least they kept the black man alive this time…

Leave a Comment »

Leave a Reply