Star Wars Day
Posted in General
Last dog watch, 1 bell (6:45 pm)

Apparently today is Star Wars Day. I can only assume it's because of the whole "May the Fourth be with you" etc etc. Hahah, yeah, I got it. You should get a speech therapist, that lisp is a killer.

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The Dead Talk Back
Posted in Reviews
Last dog watch, 1 bell (6:41 pm)

The Dead Talk Back is a movie that had never seen the light of day after it was filmed. It was found many years later and licensed for release, probably made most popular by MST3K.

This movie had a decent storyline, if you ignore the pseudo-science mumbo-jumbo. It's about a detective solving the murder of a young woman in a boarding house in San Francisco. He enlists the help of a scientist working on a radio to talk to the dead. They eventually ferret out the murder by pretending the whole thing is working when we fingd out it was all a hoax, and even the girl was still alive. It was interesting, because the whole time you are led to believe it's all real, but the scientist was just helping the police smoke out the guilty party.

I give this movie 36 empty seats, for the number of years it sat in a can waiting to be discovered. Hollywood budgets way worse films nowadays, this should have gotten a little more limelight.

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Invasion USA
Posted in Reviews
First dog watch, 2 bells (5:06 pm)

I just watched Invasion USA, an early 1950's film about an invasion on US soil by our "enemy." They never specifically say who the enemy is. Several people in a bar bind together as a newscast announcing the invasion is broadcast. They all experience some type of regret, such as not helping the army build tanks, or joining the navy, etc. They were all very "patriotic" things that seemed to be regretted.

In fact, I wouldn't be surprised at all if the armed forces or the government was responsible for the film in the first place. In any case, the invasion turns out to be mass hypnotism by a man in the bar, but it leaves all the people more patriotic.

I give this movie one empty seat for the unnamed enemy that was supposed to be Russian.

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12 to the Moon
Posted in Reviews
Forenoon watch, 2 bells (9:07 am)

Just finished watching 12 to the Moon, a terrible pre-moonlanding movie about landing on the moon and what we'll find there. It was prefaced by an annoying short film opera about futuristic cars which was almost as bad as Mr. B Natural.

This episode also marks the end of the fifth season.

Some of the most basic things that are wrong with this film are: steaming craters, quicksand, gravity, air-filled caves, and advanced life—all on the moon. After the advanced moon-creatures tell us to go with their weird symbolic language (that only the Asian woman can read, by the way), they launch an attack against North America, freezing it solid. Our intrepid heroes launch a "space taxi" with an atomic bomb on it, which they drop into a live volcano to try to warm the continent up. It doesn't work and the pilots die. But then the moon people realize Earthlings aren't all that bad, and they leave everyone alone and extend a future welcome to return to the moon.

I give this movie seven empty seats for the astronauts that make it back. Hey, at least they kept the black man alive this time…

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Village of the Giants
Posted in Reviews
Morning watch, 5 bells (6:42 am)

Last night I watched Village of the Giants, another Bert I. Gordon stinker of a 1960's film. It also starred Tommy Kirk, if you could call that "starring."

The movie is about Kirk's younger, nerdy brother, who invents a substance that makes anything ingesting it grow five or six times normal size. When their giant ducks invade a local disco and shake it like there's no tomorrow, a gang of hooligans become interested and steal the remaining compound from Tommy's house. They then ingest it themselves and grow gigantic. The now thirty-foot-tall gang terrorizes the local police and begin to get their way. Tommy's nerdy brother invents an antidote (accidentally), solving their giant hooligan problem once and for all.

I give this movie two empty seats, one for each giant duck that was roasted.

Somehow they credit H. G. Wells for writing, I'm not familiar with all his stories, but somehow I doubt he wrote more than one or two percent of this storyline.

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