Mitchell
Posted in Reviews
First watch, 6 bells (11:08 pm)

I just finished watching Mitchell. It was a terrible movie with that terrible 70's wakachika guitar noise soundtrack. Mitchell, played by Joe Don Baker, is an edgy cop with a penchant to break rules. He follows a case he's been ordered off of, throws his hooker-junkie-girlfriend in jail, and climbs out of a helicopter onto a boat to murder two people.

I give it one permanently empty seat—Joel's. This was the episode where Joel took the escape pod and left the Satellite of Love forever.

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Gunslinger
Posted in Reviews
Last dog watch, 8 bells (8:25 pm)

I watched Gunslinger since for some reason I couldn't fall asleep. I figured a Roger Corman stinker should do the trick. Well, it almost did. I'm sure it would have if it wasn't for Joel and the 'bots' jokes.

I'm still not really clear on what the plot was, but let me try to sum it up: female sheriff vs. female bar owner. Yeah, I think that about does it. The bar owner is buying up land in speculation of selling it to the railroad company that is planning on building through the area, but they end up going a different direction. The bar owner hires a man to kill some people, but she falls in love with him. And he's in love with her, and the sheriff, whose husband died years earlier, hence her pants-wearing, gun-slinging old west attitude. Hit man kills bar owner, sheriff kills hit man, quits her job because she was in love with him and just couldn't take it anymore.

I give this movie eight empty seats, for the number of horses that weren't harmed in this film. Had it been the number of people harmed, I'd have to cite everyone that's ever watched it, which must be in the hundreds. Hehe.

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The Painted Hills
Posted in Reviews
Last dog watch, 1 bell (6:46 pm)

As I'm lying on the couch waiting for a nice afternoon nap, I put on The Painted Hills, a Lassie movie starring "Pal as Lassie as Shep." That's a talented collie, playing two parts at the same time.

This movie is about an old prospector, a young boy named "Tommy" (not Timmy), and a friend or two. The friend goes gold crazy and kills the old prospector, Pal as Lassie as Shep goes after him for revenge. It also stars a holy-rolling Christian prospector that provided the eulogy.

I give this movie fifteen empty seats, five for each of the three Indians they had in the movie spouting gibberish pretending to be some kind of language. At least that's what it sounded like me.

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Girl In Lover’s Lane
Posted in Reviews
Last dog watch, 1 bell (6:38 pm)

I watched this a couple of weeks ago and totally forgot to review it. This seemed to be another one of those "teen-sploitation" movies about some drifters that are accused of creating trouble in a town that has been peaceful for twenty years.

Girl in Lover's Lane was forgetful and pretty boring, which is probably why I forgot to review it in the first place. I give it 100 empty seats for each percentage of boring it had.

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Public Speaking Suggestion
Posted in Recommendations
Forenoon watch, 6 bells (11:10 am)

If you give a speech in public, don't start it out with "I didn't really prepare anything to say."

Even if you really didn't. People (like me) instantly lose focus and stop caring when you admit you didn't take the time to prepare.

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-04-19
Posted in Twitter
First watch, 8 bells (12:03 am)
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