Sam is my younger brother, he used to live with me back in my wild bachelor days. I miss having him around to talk to. Here's our text conversation from today:
Sam: Holy crap. Happy birthday man!
Me: Thanks bro! I'm getting up there in years now
Sam: Yeah I hear that man. Not gettin younger or prettier
Me: Hey now. I'm far too pretty for my own good. Woody said he only married Jodie to be closer to me.
Sam: That's true you are one pretty man. He told me the same thing! Homewrecker!
Me: That slut!
Sam: I'm gonna have some words with that man whore
Me: You tell him girlfriend
Sam: Oh no he di-int
Me: Well I don't blame him too much. I am so very very pretty
Sam: Well he wanted to come see Watchmen tonight but now I think I'm just gonna slap his bald head
Me: Slap him in the back of the head, it's way funnier looking
Sam: Nice
Me: I'm so gonna blog this conversation
Sam: I'm thinking about a once or twice daily blog that tracks my bowel movements. I think I might impress someone out there
Me: OMFG I almost started a poop blog about a year ago. Anonymously, that is. No sense collecting weird fans.
Sam: Yeah I have a buddy that used to send me his best poops, he was really impressive too. Yeah, might be strange if someone recognized me when I'm at lucnh with mom. I used to have an employee who was a male stripper who got recognized all the time when he was out with his parents
Me: Did he take cell phone pics or something? I'm afraid of dropping my phone in the tank. I couldn't pick it up again. I'd just have to let it go
Sam: Yeah always with the phone. Once he made a video of it hitting the water. It was more ballsack than I ever wanted to see
Me: I don't even want to know how he got any light down there
Sam: Yeah he told me he used to stand up before he wiped so there was no TP in the photo too. I don't think I could do that
Me: Nasty man, real nasty. You sure this guy was a friend?
Sam: Co worker. One time I caught him dancing with his pants down in the office in front of security cameras to Michael Jackson's "Billy Jean." Strange kid
Me: Perhaps he needed stripper practice, or had an exhibition "streak." Probably wasn't held enough as a baby or something
Sam: More likely his parents didn't beat him enough
Me: Have you seen http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/images/beatkid4.jpg
Sam: Yeah man I love that
Me: That dancing thing is what comes from guys watching shows like sex and the city you know
Sam: Yeah now that I think about it he was really flamboyant
Me: His mom probalby dressed him like a girl when he was younger
Sam: Yeah man. Pink Ties. It's really a sin
Me: He prolly never even got his man card, so he can't turn it in anyway
Sam: Nice
Me: I don't think they issue them to pink tie wearing bedwetters that get down to Michael Jackson
Sam: Yeah man he's gonna have to eat a whole deep fried turducken injected with jalapeno barbecue sauce to get back on track
I had my laptop running Linux overnight, and it synchronizes with NTP services to keep accurate time. It handled the Daylight Savings Time change perfectly. I rebooted in to Windows this morning and it added another hour to the clock because it didn't get to yet. Stupid Windows.
Today is my three dozenth birthday. Insert lots of jolly, cheery phrases here. Last night we went to Red Robin with my dad and stepmom (I had a blackened chicken caesar salad, it was tasty!). Tonight we're going to have make-it-yourself pitas, and tomorrow we just may slip out to Brix for another Kobe Beef hamburger. Mmmm, hamburger.