Doomsday Machine
Posted in Reviews
Afternoon watch, 2 bells (1:05 pm)

I finally got my copy in the mail last Saturday. I didn't watch it until Monday night, though. It was hideously funny. Most surprising was when I received the DVD, it came with an autographed silhouette of Trace Beaulieu!

This movie was about a mission to Venus. Why scientists would think Venus more habitable than Mars is completely unknown to me. Some spies find some kind of doomsday robot machine thingy and take some pictures of it. Because of this, the mission is changed and the schedule moved forward. Three of the astronauts are replaced with women. The men argue about this for some reason.

After launch, the Earth is destroyed in what looks like a series of rips in the film, but are probably meant to be special nuclear effects. The astronauts realize they are the last people left alive, and start to freak out. They also realize that because they used fuel to avoid debris from the exploded Earth, they won't have enough to safely land on Venus, so they have to kick someone out of the rocket. Instead, an emergency happens and one of the guys has to separate a booster stage manually via a spacewalk he knows he won't return from, because the boosters will fire when it happens. So one of the female astronauts goes out with him because he "doesn't have enough mass" to get it unstuck. Together they un-stick the booster and the rocket takes off, leaving them stranded.

But WAIT! What's that over there?? It's an empty Russian rocket in space near Venus! (insert deus ex machina here)

The two astronauts that were stranded now become the main characters of the story, but they never take their helmets off again, because now they're different actors with different voices! They attempt to follow the rocket, but a mysterious voice over the radio claiming to be the hive mind of Venus (or something like that anyway) tells them the rocket is gone, and they can't land on Venus because the people living there are peaceful and don't want any warmongering ex-Earth scum living with them. The voice tells them they will have a new beginning somewhere else, and that's about it. They kind of imply that the people of Venus shoot the Russian capsule off into space toward some other planet, but nothing is resolved.

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9 Days and Counting
Posted in General
Forenoon watch, 6 bells (11:21 am)

Until vacation! Even better, there are only 5 more working days!

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