I just finished watching It Conquered the World, a hideous film about a man that hears a voice over the radio, a voice belonging to a superior being on Venus that wants to take over the Earth for some unknown reason. The man gives the alien information, and it somehow boards a satellite orbiting Earth and rides it down the the surface, where it begins sending out bat-like drones that sting people in the neck and take over their minds.
Really, I’m not making this up.
The man later realizes his folly and atones for his betrayal of the human race by helping to destroy the alien. I rate this movie eight empty seats, one for each of the drones.
I finished The Amazing Colossal Man, another in the long line of MST3K shows. This movie is about an army man that is burned in a plutonium blast when he tries to save a downed pilot from certain death. He lives through the blast, and doctors bandage him up only to find him completely free of scarring the very next day. His fiancée shows up, demanding to see him, only to be scared witless at his rapid growth.
He begins growing several feet per day, and quickly outgrows the hospital and military base, so they bring in a circus tent for him to live in. He keeps growing and growing, and getting progressively crazier every day. He finally cracks, jumps ship, and wanders through the Nevada desert. He goes on a rampage through Las Vegas. Scientists come up with a cure for his growth (and we get to see really cheesy shrunken animals, an elephant and a camel), but they can’t inject him in time.
I rate this movie two empty seats, one for each of the writers that should have been in the plane from the beginning.
Yesterday I watched Gamera vs. Gaos, episode 8 of season 3 of Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It was your typical Japanese giant monster movie, with a sub-plot of a small village fighting a new road going in so they could make more money from the sale of their land. A little boy, as is typical with Japanese movies, is one of the main characters and once again befriends the giant turtle Gamera. The boy’s name is Itchy—or maybe Ichi. Gaos has a big flat head, shoots monster-cutting laser from his mouth, and spews fire extinguishing material from its armpits. This sucks, because Gamera breathes fire much like Godzilla.
Fortunately, Gaos hates sunlight, so the Japanese scientists make a giant merry-go-round to trap Gaos and spin it around so Gaos’ balance is off and can’t escape the oncoming sun. Amazingly, this plan fails, and Gamera comes to save the day.
We get to see Gamera do a new trick with the flames he shoots out his shell-holes. Typically, Gamera retracts his feet and head and jets of flame come out the holes, spinning him around and (somehow) propelling him through the air. At one point, while fighting Gaos, Gamera only does this with his back feet, opting to attack with his head and fore-feet, using the rear thrusters accelerate.
Full of lots of cheesy giant monster antics, this movie wasn’t one of the worst that MST3K does. I’d watch it again, so I rate it one giant, spinning empty seat.