One more for the series, here’s my review of The Hellcats. The director spent half his time acting in this movie and it shows. This flick was absolutely terrible. I mean bad even for Mystery Science Theater 3000. The movie is about a man that gets shot. His brother takes leave from the military to hang out with his dead brother’s girlfriend, fight bikers and that’s about it. They dance around, break things, drink lots of beer, do drugs, and make out in groups. They get in trouble with some shady businessman (played by the movie’s director), but I don’t know why. I didn’t understand much of what was going on. It really was that terrible.
Even Joel, Tom Servo, and Crow’s jokes couldn’t save this from sinking to the bottom of my list.
I rate this movie one empty seat—mine. I’ll probably never watch it again.
Continuing the review series, last night I watched Lost Continent. Despite starring Cesar Romero (who I remember from his old Batman days), this movie totally sucked. They should have called it Rock Climbing. With long, boring scenes of guys in military uniforms climbing up rocky sets, this movie was barely watchable. Thank goodness Joel and the bots where there to help me through the pain.
But let me begin at the beginning. Scientists are testing a new rocket with an atomic engine but something goes wrong and it rockets off course, crashing on an island. Several army guys are dispatched to find it and return with the information the rocket is carrying. They fly out to the island, but their plane goes out of control due to mysterious radioactivity. They crash on the island, but every one of them live through the wreck.
A poorly-faked cliché island-native-accented woman tells them the fire bird crashed on the holy mountain. So they climb it. Most of the movie is taken up with the climbing. Long, boring parts of it without even much dialog. It’s really quite terrible. Anyway, for some mysterious reason, when the climbers reach the top of this mountain, there is a prehistoric jungle there instead of a peak. Inside the jungle are several species of dinosaur: the brontosaurus, pterodactyl, and triceratops I distinctly remember seeing. There was some very Ray Harryhausen-esque stop motion animation of the dinosaurs.
The climbers find the rocket, shoot at dinosaurs, discover the world’s richest field of uranium, then turn around and climb down. As they begin to climb down, the mountain starts to tear itself apart in some kind of mountain-quake. They run to where the absent villagers left their boats, and row out to sea with them as the entire island goes through some kind of unexplained meltdown. Then the movie ends in an all-of-a-sudden sort of way.
I guess the top of the mountain was the “lost continent”, as observed by one of the army climbers, but they should have called this movie In-Continent due to the amazing amount of crap this movie dished out.
I give this show three empty seats, one for each of the villagers left behind—the woman, her younger brother, and her recently-deceased father, who was the reason they didn’t abandon ship with the rest of the villagers when the rocket flew overhead. God rest their souls, they probably died when the army guys took their last boats.